My sweet Savannah,
I'm sorry for the pain this will cause you.
(I can hear you shuddering already, afraid to read on. Read on. To keep believing a lie will hurt more than having your beliefs shattered while you're still young. I can promise you this.)
They told you that God had a man picked out just for you. They told you that God had the "right man" waiting for you. They said that whenever the timing was right, God would give that man a gentle nudge in your direction, and upon seeing you, his heart would melt and he'd be compelled to lavish you in kisses and sweep you off your feet and fulfil every whimsical notion you had about romance.
Perhaps they didn't outright use those words, but the idea was heavily implied.
This was, is, and will always be, a lie.
(It's alright to pause here. Breathe. Close your eyes. Breathe some more.
Now come back.)
This news is the last thing you wanted to hear. You've clung to this idea - this hope - that God would deliver you from your perpetual loneliness at the right moment by ushering in a man who was customized just for you. It was a sweet, delicious lie to buy in to, and I don't blame you for being so eager to take the bait.
You were so young when they started telling you. You almost thought that this promise was written in the Bible somewhere, probably italicised and emboldened.
You're not to blame those women who helped you toward this lie. They were (and are) just victims of the same miseducation.
And you're not to be angry with God. God didn't tell you that He had a human being waiting in the wings of your life, void of personality and passion and identity until you found him.
But God doesn't have a person waiting for you. He doesn't. People marry all the time, divorce all the time, date and break up, die alone.
He doesn't send you signs, directing you to your "future husband". He doesn't whisper names in your ear.
The boy doesn't exist, Savannah.
The boy you expect to be perfect for you, literally heaven-sent, devoid of all flaws; he has never existed.
Sorry. I am.
I'm sorry, because I know how this is going to shred your insides up, gut your chest, scoop the hope from your lungs.
But if you don't know now, you'll keep waiting for some fictional character to show up in the darkest moments of your life. You'll walk down shady alleys, under bridges, vacant parking lots, and you'll just expect someone to show up and save you in your moment of danger.
But he will never show up. Because that's not how people work. We don't just exist whenever someone needs us.
So stop standing outside screaming at God for not giving you someone He never promised you from the beginning.
Stop going to concerts expecting to make eye contact with one of the band members and having them approach you after the show.
No one is going to ask you out to coffee.
No one is going to blow into your life like an autumn leaf.
No one is going to chase you down because "God" sent them.
God is not your personal match-maker. He cares about you, yes, but He's also the Creator of the universe. He has so much going on that He shouldn't have to deal with your love life on top of everything else.
Yeah, He can do all things.
Doesn't mean He will.
You need to crush this idea that the "perfect man" is waiting on you to reach your potential, or get your life together, or whatever. Crush this idea before it crushes you.
Be cynical.
Your heart is soft and so willing to gobble up any hope, but you need to build some callouses. This world is so tough and cruel.
Build some callouses. Guard your own heart. Be cynical about "love".
Sweet little one, this news is hard but necessary, because if you don't know the truth now, you'll find yourself curling up in a bed you can't sleep in, diving into fantasies where someone steps into your life and fills the hole in your chest. You'll forget to live.
Savannah, please, don't fall asleep with this false hope. Sever the tie.
You are so much more valuable than you know, even when you accept these lies into your life.
Love,
Yourself
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