Dearest little Savannah,
I need to warn you about someone very harmful. She will sneak into your life so subtly that I don't think I can really tell you when she first shows up.
She won't get in the way much, at first. In fact, you won't really notice her much at all. She's more like a reflection in a mirror or a shadow at your ankles than an actual girl.
You won't notice her until it's much too late.
In the beginning, she'll get along with you. That's how she works, you see. She'll make you think she's on your side.
But listen carefully to her words, little one. Listen closely, because she whispers.
"Well, they aren't entirely wrong," she'll say when your friends make snide comments about how much you eat. "I mean, you could eat less."
It starts out so innocent. You will begin to believe she cares about your well-being.
She doesn't.
"You are pretty obnoxious sometimes," she'll say when your friends make snide comments about how hyper you are. "Maybe you should tone it down."
"Ooh, she was right," she'll click her tongue at you when you try on new clothes. "You can't pull that off with your body shape."
In high school, the comments will get more aggressive.
"Don't bother dressing up," she'll sneer at you. "Nothing looks good on you."
"Don't get your hopes up," she'll warn you, "there's no way he could like you back."
(She's wrong about that, actually, but more on that later.)
"Why can't you look more like your sister?" she'll hiss.
In two years, this creature that once seemed so harmless and considerate will transform. This shadow, this reflection, will hollow you out, wring you until she's squeezed every droplet of hope from your frame.
"Get up!" she'll no longer whisper, but bark. "You lazy, untalented piece of trash."
"How could you think he would like you back? You don't deserve love from anyone. Look at yourself!"
"You are good for nothing. You can't even starve correctly!"
"Why do you even exist?"
"I want you dead."
Savannah, I want to warn you, she will try to kill you. And you'll try to kill you, too.
The girl you once loved, the original Savannah, will disgust you. You'll side with the new Savannah. You'll agree that old Savannah must die. You'll fantasize about standing over old Savannah and beating her to death. You'll fall asleep every night to the internal war waging inside of you.
You'll rock yourself to sleep by sobbing.
I don't want to scare you, Savannah. I don't want you to think that you're just supposed to succumb to this harmful girl.
I'm telling you this, because I want you to fight.
Rage against that harmful girl.
Instead of cowering in the corner when she comes to shout at you, stand up and scream even louder. Scream until your lungs burst and your jaw snaps in half.
When she comes to destroy you, rip her to pieces. Pick her apart.
When she tells you that you don't deserve to be loved, remind her that she doesn't know what love is. Because if she knew love, she would know that it cannot be boxed, weighed, or measured.
You are dripping with love. You sacrifice yourself everyday for the love of others.
When she says that you aren't valuable, I want you to fight back. Silence her. She isn't real, she doesn't think, she doesn't love.
She is a shadow.
You are a person.
You think.
You love.
You are loved.
Fight that harmful girl. Tell her how much I love you.
You are valuable, even when that harmful Savannah tries to tell you otherwise.
Love,
Yourself
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