Dearest Savannah,
I wish I could tell you that, at the end of this story, you are alright with your body. I can't.
It will begin with snide comments of insecure, hard-hearted friends.
They will say you're fat. You aren't, but I can say that a hundred times and it won't change how you feel.
"Gosh, Savvy! You're such a pig!"
"Don't leave those around Savannah. She'll inhale the whole bag before you can set them down."
"You're chubby, like my sister."
"You should really consider eating healthier. Maybe then you wouldn't feel so bad about how you look."
"See? That's what junk food does to your thighs. I told you so."
"A bikini, Sav? Really? I thought you hated your stomach."
"You've got such a flat butt. Too bad you can't move the fat from everywhere else to your butt."
"Don't sit on my lap, you're gonna crush me!"
Expect these comments. They will come. Each one of them from girls more insecure about their own bodies than you are.
You'll start to be more critical of yourself in the mirror. You'll start to see the love handles that your friends keep teasing you about. You're thighs will start to look much fuller than they had before. Your stomach will suddenly be described as "poochy" by all your friends.
You'll laugh when they poke your stomach and say "Jello!". When you get home, you'll skip dinner and burn calories by crying yourself to sleep.
I wish that you wouldn't have to experience this part, but I cannot change the past.
You will grow up with this mentality, amplified when you realize that boys are much more attractive than they used to be. Suddenly, every boy in the world will seem to be staring at your "pudgy" middle section. On those days, you'll go to sleep as soon as you get home, ignoring the hunger pangs and growling.
Sometimes, you'll be fine with your body. Actually, no. Sometimes you will forget about your body.
High school is when it will become unbearable. You'll befriend gorgeous, goddess-like girls with abs and perky butts and teeny tiny waists. Looking at them will make you feel like a whale. The shirt you thought looked good on you in the morning starts to highlight your love handles when you check yourself in the mirror later in the day.
Googling "ways to slim down in a week" and "how to lose weight fast" will bring you to some unhealthy conclusions about weight loss. You will attempt water diets that make you feel like death. You will try diet pills that give you the worst headaches ever. You will give up eating for a couple days at a time. Your body will shake in deprivation. You will spend most of your days standing on a scale, staring down at the numbers in dismay.
Food will be your enemy. I wish I could say that this changes, but I don't think that it does. It hasn't yet.
Little Savannah, I want so badly to wrap you in my arms and protect you from this future. You beautiful, tiny little thing. I wish you could stay so innocent and free. I wish that you wouldn't ever have to look into a mirror and frown. I wish that you could see what everyone else sees.
You will cling to the attention of boys, thinking that if you find "the one", he can fix you. He can't. I promise you.
Nothing can fix you. I don't even think therapy would erase the thoughts permanently.
Instead, I ask you - beg you - to not give in. Be strong. Do not look at pictures of skinny girls to guilt yourself into starvation. You will never be them without being dead. Do not compare yourself to your friends. No diets. You are not unhealthy. Eat.
Appreciate your body for what it does. Be fascinated by the fact that you have eyebrows. Be proud that you stopped biting your nails (you'll kick that habit in 8th grade). Drink hot chocolate on a cold night and enjoy the feeling of heat radiating from your core.
Boys will find you attractive. Girls will say things like "I would die to have your boobs". When someone says, "You are so beautiful," or "You have such a nice little figure," believe them. Say, "Thank you".
Mean it.
You are valuable, even when you cannot see it.
Love,
Yourself
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